will for wings

I don't hate that I created you I just hate that you don't know
that I'm incapable of imagining a you that does.
Oh,  if I had a will for wings...
If I had a will for wings
I'd see that even clear things cast shadows,
just lighter ones.
I'd see that all things are clear things,
even ideas.
And shadows aren't reflections.
In dreams I imagined everyone I knew,
and I forgive myself for not knowing that
 so were you.
Since when did my heart become an extremity?
When I learned to use it in everyday things?
Sometimes it's the first to shiver, to wilt up and detach
Sometimes I forget that life is a patchwork quilt that has holes
to be patched.

bubble gum

adorn myself with eagles, deer bones, and timber smoke,
but who will know but egos and freak shows and stunted growth?
I'll wear my wrinkles proudly until I'm dead,
because my eyelids are still just translucent skin,
and sunsets are the day breaks
of dreams and genes and
remembered long lost forgotten myths.
Would they remember me, their seed,
that they brought forth? When I was them,
did the horizon invite me as it does now?
 Did I then wear my wrinkles proud?
this blinding entwining binding my flesh
ripped apart seemed so dark until
the sun set.
Atomic glows in neural skid rows,
my belt doesn't fit anymore.
I'll take it off my head and
wear these wrinkles til I'm red.
Dead ideals don't mean dead ideals, so
Fuck you if you think these ideals are too unrealistic.
I'll put my belt undone around existence .
I've got a ballistic appetite to write in sinkholes
and nutritious missiles.
Translate these wrinkles
and wingtips of eagles
to read mute shouts and silent stampedes.
It's coming right for you
and it won't stop for me because
I'm too vague.
I don't make sense
and I take headaches as compliments.
Fuel fed grass in the cracks of concrete highway mandalas,
My heart stalled out for progress.
Say the word, I'll decay for progress.
Save the world from progress.
Save the world from prophets.
So much for grey matter,
I've got blood splatter
and a red wrinkled thumb.
Gimme a cause
Gimme a cause
I'll die for bubble gum.

If I am to write than I must only allow myself  to be a poet or a novelist. Thus, I will be freed from the pressure to believe in one's creation that is suffered by the academic or the religious writer. For I am made of too many contradictions and am wary of believing.

When people say that they are afraid of death I don't think it's really what they mean. I think what they really mean is that they are afraid of not living the life they desire. They're afraid of being cheated. Which is worse: dying young before your dreams are fulfilled or living your whole long life with old dreams never fulfilled? Death is too inevitable, too certain to fear. It's the uncertainties of life that people are afraid of.

(neurons) of fire flies

it took the thunder cracking fear of life
and the branch that never struck the forests floor
for me to peak beyond my screen
and find the living lights once more
inside the dark outside
the subtle fire flies alive in flight
beckon me upon my porch of sorts
me thinks: what a sordid short lived torch
to live and burn and fly and die
and all within one tiny night
then me looks up to the sky july
a strange connection inside my mind

in the woods and up above: these twinkling lights....
now I know what becomes ...of fire flies

oh blah

I agree with Daniel Dennett that our soul(s) or mind(s) is our brain(s) [or at least a part of a bigger configuration that consists of both] . I do believe however that our scope of the physical is not complete, hence the term metaphysical , to me, means physical but perhaps beyond our grasp or comprehension. I would also contend that just like the billions of connections that make up our brain/mind, the millions of billions of compounded connections that make up the world  may constitute a brain/mind of a more complex and different sort. And if this trend extends to the entire universe then one might ( and I for one do ) consider existence an all encompassing being likened to the concept of divinity. I think the pervasive appearance of fractal patterning thoughout the observable (to us anyway..) universe is some evidence for this "universal mind theory" which in actuality is not original to me at all, but begs borrows and steals from poetry science and philosophy and and ancient descriptions of the Tao and Sufi mystic poetry and Hindu disciptions of the universe and principles of Zen Buddhism and the Transendentalists and countless others who I deem to be the most self realized pieces of this universe.  The view of "God" as the universe or multiverse or whichever "IT" existence may be is simultaneously ancient and progressive. This paradox of  "the ones that percieved themelves seperate despite their union with each other and their environments" is so utterly hysterically obvious to me. Its like a big joke; the divine comedy indeed. But most everyone is so understandably convinced of the lines they've drawn on the world that they take for granted or forget the obvious: that there is no such things as true opposites but only a finite view of the indefinite( perhaps infinite). The percievable has grown bigger and smaller beyond what once we could percieve. There is little if any evidence to support the claim that the universe (existence) is finite.Though drawing lines and projecting divisions is for the most part  practical and harmless, I believe that forgetting that these lines are projections is locally dangerous for us as a species (though inconsequential to the whole). These lines if not illusory ('real' is a messy subject) then they are at least dynamic and bendable. I believe this to be to our advantage to keep in 'mind' (if not evolutionarily then at least in terms of quality of life and restoring and preserving the sense of the divine and awe in our lives). How intimately and indefinately existence is entangled with itself!: If this was the world paradigm then I believe science and religion would no longer be at eachother's throats but would be rather  tools of describing the intricacies complexities and eccentricities of the existential divinity that is the universal mind in its varying forms( allowing them to exist together peacefully) I believe this shift is happening of itself but is struggling to enunciate itself. And surely for now I have come far short of translating this potential and of convincing anyone that it may become an actuality so.............to bed...........................

They're bioilluminescent, Kevin!

everytime I breath my bones break. my inhalation sends me ascending and when I exhale I free fall. I open my eyes to an ephemeral dream, body to a transient self, imagination manifest. To percieve thoughts of a grand being with the revelation that I too am a thought within its infinite and divine brain, to pretend to exist as an entity while revelling in the understanding of being a mere piece of the only being, to do anything at all and know that all that is ever happening is playing with oneself!